Bless the Beasts and Children
Los Saicos - El Entierro de los Gatos
YAAAAAHHHHHGHHHHHHHHGHHGGHHHHHUHHHHHHH!
(intro ends)
I’ve met some really great cats during my life. But I went to war with my last one.
She was saved from the SPCA, and when we got her she could fit in the palm of my hand, and her little puddly kitten eyes seemed to barely register the world in front of her like they were probably still developing. Like she needed a bit more time to bake in the oven.
She was a great, feisty little Tuxedo. She had half a tail, maybe something had happened in the womb, so when she got excited her little half tail puffed up and wagged to and fo, like she had a rear propellor that was trying to lift her off the ground.
She was a runt and for the first three or four months of her life could squeeze herself through the gap underneath the bedroom door. She also like sleeping in this bowl in the kitchen that was shaped like a chicken and held a small sea of loose change. She did this even as an adult cat and watching her fit into it was always funny. The early days were really sweet.
But she was a princess. And I was the discipline.
I did everything I could to be a good cat dude. I wanted sympatico. I just didn’t want her jumping on my turntables. Or stretching her claws on my records, which were in crates on the floor.
I tried spraying water. Didn’t work, she actually liked water. So I tried citrus spray. She hated that. And maybe that is where the war began.
I’m a liar if I say it didn’t get the best of me. We were both too stubborn. I read once that cats have no short-term memory, but I’ll never believe that because when she’d get frustrated at me trying to shoo her off my turntables, she’d audibly huff and puff then go into the kitchen and wait for me. And then, when I’d inevitably go in there for something, she’d jump out from her hiding place and swipe at me. I ran away from that cat, while pleading “fuck off”, so many times.
It got bad, she stopped cuddling with me, I started ignoring her. Our earlier bond was broken, although we did continue to have occasional moments that were good.
Still, I loved that little cat and kind of enjoyed our testy relationship, and I miss her weirdness.
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